i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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