this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
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