Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
