The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize