Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
