proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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