New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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