just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
