I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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