I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
