So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
