I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
