The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
