He disabled his match.com account in front of me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
