Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
