barbara walters just said penis...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
