I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
