I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
