i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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