I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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