Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
