Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
