And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
