I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you win again, gameday.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
