Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize