proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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