i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
