1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize