last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
