Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
