We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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