After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
