you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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