All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
