I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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