should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
