It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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