We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
