You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
