We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
