dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
