Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You have to summon your inner elephant
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
