Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
