Your face is a jimmy john
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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