Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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