Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
