The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Green mimosas i think yes
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i've created a new STD.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
