You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
