dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
