You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
