dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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