so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
