I wish I only lived at night.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
