trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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