I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
