I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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