Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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