what day is it and did you see me today?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
