Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Found the puke drawer
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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