Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
