Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drake has all the answers
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
