i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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