I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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