omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
