I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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