got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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