dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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