I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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