so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
