not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
