she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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