I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I accidentally had phone sex last night
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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