I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
