I think I died a long time ago.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
