I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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