Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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