i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just invented taco cereal.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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