why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Im part way to drunk.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
