True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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