If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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