she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
