The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
