I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
