My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
