I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
