i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
