i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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