I feel like I'm in dance class right now
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
