You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
