guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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