His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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