I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
